Hello! ;-) It's me Pisces. Be my Valentine. haha lol!

stolen from stupid xanga…
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When I meet someone else,

will I be strong enough to let you go

Should I laugh with someone else

and forget how it feels to smile my heart out to you

Will I settle for chocolates and candies

or embrace a chance for something real

Will I always watch you hold hands with another

or try to hold your hand even for just a while

Am I better off with someone or will I be happier just to see you from afar.

Will I sit next to you and feel content

or should I find someone who would wrap his arms around me.

Should I find someone to feel the way I feel for you

Will I...? Should I...?

The best feeling in the world is when you know you have a really small chance of winning but still you won. But in the process of waiting and anticipating the end result, you might find yourself on the optimistic or the negative side.

I try to understand Jon's principle of negativity. As opposed to the Secret's ideology of positive attracting positive results, it's easier to be negative rather than be positive because you won't feel too disappointed because you are ready for the worst.

As one of the silly optimistic people in the world, I also get tired of the usual setbacks... the building up just to finally fall away into nothing but distress. It can be really unhealthy to experience the whole process over and over again. Some die out and most fight for their lives.

The key to self-preservation in the fight for life, for love and sanity is to keep your head above water. You can’t immerse yourself too much on the unknown. Someone said, “Let’s cross the bridge when we get there.”… If we ever get there…

So I embrace the brighter side of negativity. Because it is sweeter to feel like the happiest winner and the luckiest of them all when I have no chances but I still won…

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In a hide and seek world, We will find each other hiding at the same dark and safe corner. And we will the game to never end for we don't need someone to find us out. Content and simple, we whisper each other's name in the dark.

Reality is far from where we are. Our world is our own. No need for words. No time for worries. All we have is this.
 

stolen from stupid xanga....

"How long will I have this? I never had this or almost forgotten how to feel this. I might have convinced myself that these things will eventually lose its glory and fade into memory. But it's still here. The longer it stays, the deeper it grows and I will be more upset when the time comes that I would have to part with it.

I'm accustomed to getting just a crumb of the cookie so I know how it feels to be deprived and disappointed. Along the way, I got myself into believing that this is all I'm going to get and dreaming is for fools.

So it surprises me to find myself the princess and not the pauper. It amazes me that suddenly something I wanted a hundred years ago is what I see now before my eyes. I almost forgot what magic is when bitter reality ruled my universe until...

He didn't knock on the front door but sneaked his way through my high tower window.

I'm even more afraid. When did happiness ever been so frightening?"

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I envy you and feel sorry for you at the same time. But I would trade nothing for something like this... There's nothing more beautiful and even more tragic than finding more reasons to smile and knowing that all these is short-lived. Let's drink to this... to nostalgia, to uncertainty...

This is bittersweet confusion.

Goodnight to all fools...

Wherever you are, the scent of roasted coffee lets me know you are ever so near. As if you never left and every waking hour your eyes will tell me I'm yours.

The violins will take me where we used to play our game of cards, where we shared our first kiss, where we promised our forever.

It is you on top of the stairs laughing your way down to me because you find it hilarious that I'm showing off my new but ugly dress. But then you whispered so softly, "No ugly dress can ever make you look unattractive". And I blush. You really know how to make this heart flutter.

It is sad to feel lifeless because you're not near. Only the scent of coffee, sound of violins and the sight of an old staircase can bring past memories into vivid images in my reality. Oh how I long to feel warm and silly with you around. Oh how I miss thee, my love, my clown, my comfort and my prince.

Only you can...

It was one of those nights that you discover a complete metaphor from simple things.

When you are from somewhere a bit far and you're looking for a way home, a girl like me would try to ride a somewhat trustworthy-looking R&E cab. After a mile or two you'll notice that the meter is going almost as fast as a shot clock. Things like this happen. A dishonest cab driver cons his way into getting what is probably the last of your good-earned money. And you know you just have to get off that horrible taxi and shove inexact amount of money at that jerk of a driver.

Then you decide that you’re just not up to a taxi ride for the mean time. You’ve just had enough so you settle on riding jeepneys and buses that stop and go in different places and take in other passengers along the way. Some might be nice enough to chat with while some are just nice to look at.

Home is still a bit away and you find yourself tired of riding jeepneys and buses. You get off on the next stop and just wait. A lot of cabs pass by. Some are good enough and some are brand new ones but you’re just not up to raising your hand to call for one. You just stand there waiting. A couple of minutes and one taxi slows down for you. It is ordinary and not well-known. It is not new either and it has some rough edges with signs of experience on the road. The driver asks if you want to get on and where you need to go. You hesitate for a moment but then you get on, anyway.

You never guessed that a taxi that looked that way or any taxi for that matter can play Muse on the radio. That surprise turned into pleasure as it slowly glided into movement.

The driver is polite and asked where to turn before you can even say left, right or straight ahead. He even called you, Maam. You seem pleased and a little more trusting.

When you reached home, the price of the cab ride is just right. The driver is just right. And because it’s hard to find one of these cabs these days, you generously tip the guy. You paid more than the meter required, more than what is asked from you.

The whole process of getting home was tedious but you arrived safe and thankful.

And more grown up…

It was a different Christmas Eve because I was dead to the world and sleeping off my tummy ache. There are times in my life that I hate being a girl and having those periods and all that on Christmas Eve is such a bummer.

Well, it's been a BLAH Christmas with Tinapay on transatlantic and Laki Mata miles away. One best friend is okay to be gone but two best friends who are out of natural, physical reach is another bummer. I know you guys miss me. Hehehe!




Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday,Tinay! I miss you!!!! :D

Yesterday was a good day. I slept right and woke up just fine. I stayed a bit at the chapel to pray and went straight ahead for work. I'm feeling better after the storm that happen the other day. Like my mom said, I'm stronger now and she believes that I'll be okay soon enough. Somehow when you know that someone believes in you, you try harder to believe in yourself. I love you mom!

I'm just glad I got myself to eat right again. My appetite is still all wrong but at least I got some good food down my throat. I guess it's the emotions getting in the way of bon appetite.

Soon enough I'll find myself writing about good things again and blabbing about silly stuff like what I watch on TV or Tether blogging again. How I miss that.

I admit that I still feel the ache. It's the ache of someone you believed to have cared about you could have hurt you in the way you didn't expect. It's the ache of remembering how happy you were with that someone that you know you could not experience again. It's the ache of losing a bit of hope. It's the ache of realizing that idea of love was tainted. Why use the idea of love when it wasn't love after all? When I say I love you I mean it. I hope you guys can do that as well and not to play games that is not fit for a heart that's been toyed a lot of times.

Pahinga muna ang puso. Musika, alak at pagkakaibigan ay sakto na. Steady lang...

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Stop viewing me. I vaguely remember how I saw him and your face at a nearby sari-sari store near the office. I don't know you but please you belong in his world and I don't want any part of his world in my life. It already sucks to find myself surrounded everyday by his so-called old friends and old flame. It already sucks to see motorbikes everywhere...

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It was just a dream. It started fine then ended like a nightmare that choked me into wakefulness.

So that's how it feels to catch him in the arms of another. Parang Evidence music video lang ng Urbandub pero hindi ko lang sila pinatay.

And another growing up to do. After a year, I found myself crying again in my mom's loving and comforting arms. The best talaga ang feeling dahil for some reason after that you're stronger and nothing can hurt you anymore.

This year I made a lot of wrong decisions in my life. Yung kay Rye tapos kay Vlad. (sori name dropping)... Regrets... Major regrets... but I would like to see these as learning experiences and part of growing up... again.

At times like these, you would expect me to really feel bitter and curse every guy I see. But no I don't feel that way. I actually feel good and hopeful. Darating din ang prinsipe ko balang araw (malay mo very soon na like sa oct. 17 na sa cavite! chos!).

But I'm just glad I'll be back on my happy feet again. Alam ko namiss nyo yung masayahing ako. nyahaha!

Sa mga ganitong panahon, gusto ko ng major life acknowledgements. :)

Sa pamilya ko, salamat sa unconditional love!

Kay tinapay, dahil through thick and thin you're always there for me.

Kay Monmon na laging ready to listen and keep my secrets.

Kay Dyena and Janey, i love you guys talaga!

Kay Beejay na laging handa magbigay ng yakap pagnalulungkot na ako. Sorry hindi ako nakinig nung una pa lang.

Kay Tarhata na lagi ako pinapasaya at pinapainom ng masasarap na alak. Maria Clara sist!

Kay Jon na sabing "ok lang yan dahil mamatay din tayo". Kahit medyo out of this world ang sinabi mo e talagang naging okay pakiramdam ko. hehe!

Kay Jigs na laging nagpaparamdam na masaya lang dapat ang buhay.

Kay JP na laging nagsasabing wag na ako malungkot :)

Kay Ros na pinalakas ang loob ko nung hunting season at nung nagkasakit ako. Sana hindi ka naweirduhan kung bigla kitang kinikwentuhan ng tungkol sa magulong lovelife ko.

Kay Rommel and Earl na tinugtog para sa akin ang 1000 ways to mend a broken heart kagabi.

Kay Kitty na ginawa kong shock absorber ng emosyon ko at psychiatrist kahapon.

Kay Mawlon na laging suporta lang at laging sinasabi na okay akong tao. Kahit malayo ka e ramdam ko yung parang katulad lang nung dati na naguusap lang tayo ng magaganda at malulungkot na bagay kahit sa chat lang.

Kay Mae sa pakikinig at pagkamiss sa akin.

Kay Kutchie sa mga morning kiss at yakap ko nung isang araw.

Sa musika na nagpapabuhay sa atin araw araw.

Sa inyong lahat na tunay na nagmamahal sa akin, salamat! 

Thank God for the answered prayers. .
 

I WANT A LOVE I CAN SEE...